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To love without hesitation is an incredibly brave thing to do. This is both our greatest hope and our greatest fear. Here are some basic techniques for confronting your fears and doubts, but bear in mind that this is profound work that requires perseverance, determination, and dedication on your part. It takes time to overcome a crippling phobia of love and relationships.
Put your fears into words. Recognize the reality of the situation, personalize the dread by assigning it a name and a face, and then sit down for a meal with it. Write down what you’re thinking right now. Discuss it. Say to yourself every time you start to think, “He’s not cute enough,” or “She’s not social enough” (or whichever area your fear and doubt is the strongest in), “That’s fear and protection talking. ” That is not how the situation is at all.
Instead of lying, tell the truth about the situation. It’s possible that the thought, “I’m not enough,” has been ingrained in your mind for so long that you suddenly experience an epiphany about it. On the other hand, for other people, even approaching this concept could be a challenging and lengthy procedure. The process of making things right starts with the recognition that you already have enough, and from there, the work consists of replacing a false belief with reality.
You are precious to us. You are complete.
You are not flawless, but that is not what gives you value as a person. What is important is that you strive to improve. Just the fact that you are alive makes you lovable. However, there is a significant gap between intellectual comprehension and bodily realization. Have compassion for yourself while you explore the cause of your feeling of inadequacy and the methods in which you might replace that erroneous belief with the truth, and do this with an open mind.
Prepare yourself for the potential of being let down. You can only truly love with all of your heart if you are willing to face the possibility that your heart will be broken. Even if we’ve been married for a century, our time on Earth is finite, and at some point, we will all have to say goodbye to the people we care about the most.
Ego believes that by suppressing our feelings, we may protect ourselves from the agony of loss. However, that is not how it works; the experience of loss is never pleasant. You should love as much as you can while you still have the chance, and have faith that you will eventually be able to overcome the crippling grief of loss.
An amazing paradox is that the more you love, the more you will lose, and the more probable it is that you will be able to love with all of your heart once more after you have experienced the pain of loss. There is nothing more risky or rewarding than love without hesitation, but there is also nothing more perilous.
